My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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