did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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