Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
