then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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