Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You did what with his pubic hair?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
