Jerry, you need to find god
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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