i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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