it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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