i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
