I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
