Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
