Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
