a queef is a wish your heart makes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
