Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
