Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
