hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm having to shit out rocks
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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