just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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