end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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