I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
