I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
