I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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