piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he thought i was a dude.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
