Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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