Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
