Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
