You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
