I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we made out on top of his cat.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
