Your dad touched me again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
