No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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