i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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