I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
