I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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