can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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