Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
