I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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