the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I forget how to act sober
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