Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My hand turned me down
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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