The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
