I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
