she looked like the before picture.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
