champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
