Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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