; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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