Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
