I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
