you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
