i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
