She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
