I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
