dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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