It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
