"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
