he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
