Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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