I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
