I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
