no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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