and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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