Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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