Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
