That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
