my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
