You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
