It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
