so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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