ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
