...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
