At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
