no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
