There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
