so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
