Plan B is the new Plan A
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
