Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
