I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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