Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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