final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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